Do you ever think to yourself, “I wonder if everybody else’s partner is more supportive of them and their business than mine is?” I mean, if you go by what is on social media, you never see anyone talking about their partner or spouse saying the things to them that yours might be saying to you. And it’s making it even harder to get the results that you want, and they say they want you to get, in your business when you feel like their doubt is just another energetic drag on your motivation and momentum.
Today, we’re going to talk about being married to, or being in a partnership with, a Doubter and how you can navigate the delicate balance between giving your best to your business while also upholding your end of your responsibilities and commitment to your household.
Read to the very end where I’ll give you a very practical way to own your power, lead your business, and honor your partner’s position.
It’s quite natural that we are going to experience self-doubt during our entrepreneurial journey. In fact, if we continue to stretch beyond our current state, there will always be a seed of doubt that accompanies that growth into each new level. So being married to, or in partnership with, a Doubter who is watering those seeds of doubt is a tough road.
And here’s the thing. It’s not always based on the actual results you are generating. It could simply be their viewpoint on life, their frustration about their own career, or their fears of abandonment if you grow too empowered, too independent, or too financially self-sufficient.
You end up either having to pull against their doubt creating an energetic drag on the speed and ease of your movement forward. Or you just stop sharing that aspect of your life with them altogether, avoiding conversations about your work and your business, unable to share your successes and celebrations, challenges and struggles, and your hopes and dreams … which is a shame.
As your partner however, they do have skin in the game when it comes to your financial contribution to the household, the time you commit to your business, the mental attention you dedicate to your work, your emotional bandwidth at the end of the workday and your contribution to the management of the household and children if you have them.
When you don’t address this conflict head-on, you lose belief in yourself. You lose intimacy in your relationship. And you dilute the results and impact you are able to make with your work.
So, how do you resolve this conflict? How do you take in your partner’s feedback while creating a dividing line between your responsibility to them and your responsibility to yourself so you are able to run your business based on your own success barometer and your own inner guidance?
First, it’s important to keep in mind that there is no *right* way to do this. As with everything, the only thing that truly matters is finding what works for you and your partner. Truly, no one else’s opinion matters. But avoiding the conversation is what leads to the breakdown in intimacy, the decay of self-determination, and the energetic drag on your work.
You must begin by getting really clear on where you are currently in your business, where you are going and what you are doing to get there. Then you need to have a conversation with your spouse or partner where you share the plan with them and allow them to voice their feelings about it. If you share a household, they are being impacted by your choices, so they have a right to have a voice in the matter.
It’s not that you are taking on their advice of what you should be doing in your business, per se. But you are providing a space for an open dialogue where they are given an opportunity to share their thoughts, feelings and concerns, and you are given an opportunity to respond to them and ask for the support that you need.
The important part isn’t the details of what you agree to at the end. The key is simply in creating the space for the open dialogue versus avoiding the conversation and having resentments build up on both sides. It’s the avoidance that creates the underlying conflict and energetic drag.
In this article, we talked about how to navigate a relationship with a spouse or partner who injects doubt into your work and your business, what it costs you if you avoid resolving this conflict, and how you can approach getting on the same page.
So, here’s the straightest path to owning your power, leading your business, and honoring your partner’s position. It’s what author Gay Hendricks calls the “5-minute sweaty conversation.” It’s that conversation that we (and usually our partner) avoid having at all costs. The one that fills us with fear. The one we believe might end in screams, tears or the silent treatment.
But it’s also the path to a more intimate, more trusting, and more honest relationship. The “5-minute sweaty conversation” has nothing to do with business. It’s a relationship tool we can use to learn how to communicate with our partner about anything. And while it may feel scary, like most things we fear, it’s also the path to freedom … and in this case, a path to freeing us of the energetic drag created by feeling the weight of our partner’s doubt as we strive to build a financially-rewarding, mission-driven business.
